7:59 – I need to start appreciating my life more and all that I have. I was running along the Charles River, a stones throw from Harvard, with Sully this afternoon and realized how Boston was just a few miles away. That’s pretty freaking awesome.
I don’t have to pretend that the people here are friendly, I don’t even have to like all of them, I also don’t have to want to live here for the rest of my life. But I should be appreciating it for what it is while I am here. As I have said to Martin numerous times “I am walking down a freaking brick laid sidewalk, brick! I’ve been wanting to walk along brick sidewalks for years!” And here we are, daily I find myself tripping over brick sidewalks! (:
While walking this afternoon with the dogs I told God that he can do what He would like to with my career. (We’ll see if I can shut up enough inside my own head to listen to what He wants….). Obviously trying to figure out what I think is best for me is not getting me anywhere. First I want to be an architect, then I think I want to be an interior designer (which I still do but think not in the typical fashion), and now I just don’t know. I see what my boss has to do everyday and I am not sure that I want that much daily stress. Add to it that I just don’t feel like I am truly helping people by decorating their homes. Over and over again people have told me that it does help, but I always counter that it only helps those who are able to afford it. Not that only the poor need help, everyone needs help in their own way.
We have a client who I sometimes get the feeling just wants someone to talk to, to share with. Or perhaps he is just a gregarious guy, but every time we meets with him he talks and talks.
Do I design small homes for a living? That way feeling like designer and client are both keeping our impact on the land small and thoughtful? Do I design homes for the elderly, because they are mostly forgotten? Do I not even start my own design firm and instead start a B&B, complete with individually decorated yurts? Do I throw in the towel completely and find my purpose by having kids? I don’t know.
I just feel sometimes like I am not living up to my potential. I have all these ideas and inspirations but none of them come to life. So either they are false flags or I am wasting too much time on the internet!